


No Angels Here

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Canon-Typical Violence, Complicated Relationships, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Mental Instability, Multi, POV Alternating, Possessive Behavior
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2020-01-16 09:17:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18518455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: Instead of Shane dying in the field, Rick decides to let him live and it brings about much difficulty.  Their relationship takes a sharp turn into murky waters after tragedy strikes when they try to settle into the prison. From their losses, their destructive relationship and the new members of their group - much changes and it doesn't work for everyone involved.





	1. Watch Your Thoughts in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i'm back at it again in terms of starting a new multi chapter (this idea isn't new but i've finally executed it properly) & i promise it'll be interesting. of course it'll be dark (especially after Lori dies like in canon) & the POV will shift throughout. please know that this is set in s3 & will carry on from there. 
> 
>  
> 
> also no, this won't be some Lori hate fic.

Deciding not to kill Shane last minute was possibly a regrettable decision, yet Rick couldn’t bring himself to do it.  All his memories with Shane were his enemies to a very rational decision. Rick was falling into the trap of what Shane meant to him and the love he carried for him. He'd been in his life since they were both children all the way into adulthood. Now he was being faced with the choice of killing or sparing Shane's life. It was a conundrum that was clawing away at Rick while he stood there. 

 

His heart stilled when he remembered Shane comforting him when Carl got shot. They were so close together and being so intimate that Shane moved away like a lightning bolt when Hershel saw them.  It reminded Rick of all the times the nature of their relationship was questioned.  Some people thought they were a little _too close ,_ which where they grew up translated into them being _wrong_.  Rick never really bothered to give a shit about it and neither did Shane.  And now he was struggling with a decision to kill that very person. 

 

Would Rick be able to take Shane’s life and not have it haunt him for the rest of his own? He’d already been internally fearing the moment before Shane led him into the field. It was a flame that was constantly burning him. Killing someone he loved, unless they were turned, was something Rick didn’t feel ready to do. Even if it wasn’t so implausible because of the world they lived in and how it changed people. It changed Shane and that’s why they were both standing there in the first place.

 

Neither of them wanted to speak or move because it made the moment all that more real.  In the haziness Rick could hear Carl’s voice so clearly and when he turned sideways he saw his son. The boy had his gun up like he was worried about what was going on. Rick told Carl that everything was okay, that he had nothing to worry about and that he should head back to the farm. Of course Shane scoffed at Rick’s pretending, which only made everything that much more tense. All three of them stood around awkwardly until Carl gasped at something. Rick turned to look in the same direction as Carl and his eyes widened.

 

There was a herd heading in their direction and there was no chance of distracting it. Rick felt himself panicking but he couldn’t afford to do that. So he told Carl and Shane to start running back to the barn. They had to warn the others about what was coming.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Abandoning the farm ended up being the end result, they had to practically force Hershel to leave behind his home or stay behind and die alongside it.  The fire that Rick and Carl lit burned down the barn and left the farm in shambles.  There was no going back there, not ever. 

 

Everyone got separated in the scramble to flee and worry was fucking with him. Not to mention Shane's not-so-silent grumbling, Carl's irritation and Hershel's visible distress about being separated from the group, especially Maggie and Beth.  Now they were stuck lingering around alongside the highway. It wasn't remotely safe but Rick didn't know what else to do.

 

Rick kept making eye contact with Shane who looked ready to strangle him. He wouldn't even be surprised if  Shane finished what he wanted to in the field. Mainly because Rick didn't have any fight left in him. At least not at the moment. 

 

They waited and waited until Rick heard a bike and saw familiar vehicles getting closer. Rick gestured for Shane, Carl and Hershel to move with him to get closer. It turned out that it was the rest of the group and it was a relief. Rick went over to Daryl and acknowledged him with a handshake. Then when Lori got out she rushed towards Carl who clung to his mother. Rick gave Lori a kiss on the cheek and a very brief hug.  He noticed Shane watching from where he was and it sent chills down his spine. What was he thinking and was he going to try something? 

 

Only time would tell. 

 

 

* * *

 

  _8 months later_

 

 

Shitty.  That’s how Shane would sum up how their group was doing. Everybody was starving, Lori could give birth at any moment and Rick was unraveling like a ball of yarn in the hands of a drunk. Shane had played by the rules, Rick’s rules in fact after he asserted dominance and the end of the democracy he had going. Which Shane wasn’t very fond of because Rick wasn’t always right. Still, he managed to not push it to the point where they’d try to kill each other again. That shit still played in his brain at night when he couldn’t sleep and when his hunger was screaming at him. Sometimes he’d give some of his food to Lori, knowing he was feeding her and their baby. Their relationship wasn’t back on, Shane knew that, it was just him trying to keep some semblance of peace between them. Once the baby was born though, he planned to be active in taking care of the child. Even if that put him and Rick at odds even further.

 

After attempting to raid a house that had damn near nothing other than dog food, the group left and got in their cars. Shane was driving with Rick, Lori, Carl and Carol, all of whom were on edge around him. All for different reasons. Carl was more or so on edge because Rick and Lori weren’t on speaking terms. They weren’t even sleeping in the same area anymore. Not that Shane was paying attention to those details all the time.

 

 

They all stopped to figure out their next move, which resulted in him, Rick and Daryl finding a prison. Of course the rest of the group was excited about the prospect of a possibly permanent home. Shane sure as hell was hopeful he’d finally have a comfortable place to sleep and more food to eat.

 

 

Once they got through one set of gates a plan was formed on how to get inside the prison itself. Waiting around wasn’t an option because of the walkers that were roaming around. So Shane was down to do whatever it took to get all of them inside the prison. Rick barely acknowledged him when he made suggestions and spoke over anything he managed to get out. Everyone was visibly uncomfortable by how Rick was behaving but brushed it off themselves.

 

 

“I should run for the gate, Rick. You know I’m faster than you and - “ Shane spoke lowly to avoid the others from hearing.

 

 

Rick shook his head sternly and gave Shane a __look__.  “No. I’m gonna run for the gate and you stay here with Lori. Got it?”

 

 

With much reluctance Shane just gave Rick a nod, even though he wanted to protest then let Rick enact his plan.

 

 

Them clearing up the area so they could camp in the open field ended up being successful. Shane knew it would be. It was just the constant orders and treatment from Rick that set him off internally. Some days he questioned why Rick bothered to keep him alive if he hated him so damn much. Other days he knew it was because of sentimental reasons and Rick not wanting to lose himself. Rather than Rick thinking with his damn head for once.

 

 

As everyone made their way through the one gate, Lori stood there beside Shane and held tight to her stomach. Shane resisted the urge to ask Lori if he could touch it. He knew she’d likely tell him no and it made his stomach curl. They all knew it was biologically his child, so him showing interest wouldn’t hurt anything now. But of course Rick would get his fucking way and Shane wouldn’t be able to show he cared. At least not in the way he was wanting to.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The fire warmed up Shane’s hands as he sat close it alongside Maggie and Glenn. Everyone was nibbling on the food they had in their bags. Which was mostly the owl that Daryl shot for them. It was beyond hillbilly but Shane would take damn near anything if it meant not having hunger pains. Shane made eye contact with Lori across the fire, her face was illuminated and there was no smile on it. All that was showing was her concern pertaining to Rick’s scrambled behavior. Shane kept looking back to see Rick pacing the fence for the millionth time.

 

 

“Tomorrow we’ll put all the bodies together. Want to keep them away from that water. Now, if we can dig a canal under the fence, we’ll have plenty of fresh water.” T-Dog stated in a low voice.

 

 

Hershel seemed to agree and mentioned something about the soil and how they could plant some seeds to grow some vegetables.  “That’s his third time around. If there was any part of it compromised, he’d have found it by now.”

 

 

No one else was bothering to comment on Hershel’s accurate statement. Instead Beth told Lori it was a good and safe place to have the baby. And for once in the longest while Shane saw Lori genuinely smile about something.  For some reason Hershel made a suggestion for Beth to sing and she seemed hesitant but went on with it anyways.  At some point everyone had heard Beth singing, so it wasn’t a new occurrence but it made for distraction from the world surrounding them. Shane got comfortable where he was seated and listened to the young girl croon.

 

 

Somehow Beth’s singing brought Carol, Daryl and Rick back to their small campfire. Rick glanced in his direction then sat down next to Carl. Soon as Beth and Maggie, who had joined in on the singing, were finished with their song, everything went quiet again.

 

 

“Better all turn in. I’ll take watch over there, got a big day tomorrow.” Rick addressed the group.

 

 

“What do you mean?” Carl questioned.

 

 

“Look, I know we’re all exhausted. This was a great win. But we’ve gotta push just a little bit more. Most of the walkers are dressed as guards and prisoners. Looks like this place fell pretty early. It could mean the supplies may be intact. They’d have an infirmary , a commissary.”

 

 

“An armory?” Daryl piped into the conversation.

 

 

“That would outside the prison itself, but not too far away. Warden’s offices would have info on the location. Weapons, food , medicine. This place could be a gold mine.” Rick spoke confidently like nothing could possibly go wrong in the scenario.

 

 

Shane listened to what everyone was saying but he was still off in his own world. Anything he said wouldn’t be taken into consideration, so keeping quiet was his best course of action now. They were running low on ammo and everything else for that matter. That much he agreed with.  But there were a number of things that could go wrong with storming into the prison. There were likely a shit load of walkers inside and maybe even people who were alive. Would the place be inhabitable? And would they have enough ammo to defend themselves in there? Probably not.

 

 

“Do you really it’s smart to just go in there half cocked like we own the place already?” Shane tried to keep his voice neutral and not confrontational. Nowadays it wouldn’t take much to push Rick over the edge. And he wasn’t much into being blamed for Rick blowing up like a damn balloon.

 

 

“Listen, that’s why we have to go in there, hand to hand. After all we’ve been through, we can handle it, I know it. These assholes don’t stand a chance.” Rick got up to take watch, which made Lori follow him momentarily.

 

 

 

Watching their relationship fall even further apart wasn’t enjoyable like it would have been before.  Back at the farm all he wanted was Lori to come back to him. Now he was fully invested in being a good father once the baby was born. Shane could see how Lori was trying to reason with Rick but he wasn’t willing to listen. That’s how the past 8 months had been between them. Lori would make attempts to talk and Rick would avoid doing so. Shane knew his presence didn’t help matters either.

 

 

When Lori came back to the campfire, Shane pulled her aside to speak to her about things. She didn’t resist or tell him to leave her alone so that felt like progress to him. Thankfully Rick wasn’t paying attention to them and had his back turned.

 

 

“It ain’t fair for Rick to treat you this way and I’ve tried to talk to him ‘bout things. He’s just not hearing anythin’ I have to say anymore.” Shane leaned in close, as usual, to keep the others from hearing. “I’m just sorry.”

 

 

Lori blinked a few times and nodded. “We’ve been avoiding things and I can just tell for him there’s nothin’ left to say. This baby’s coming soon and we have to be able to talk.”

 

 

“I wanna help take care of this baby when it’s born. You do that know that right? I’ve got just as much of a right.”

 

 

“Shane.”

 

 

“You can’t keep me from helpin’ you raise this child ‘cause it is my child too. We both know it and so does Rick. “

 

 

 

“Right now I can’t talk about this. My husband hates me and this baby is - this baby is apart of the reason we’ve fallen apart.”

 

 

 

Shane closed his eyes tight to keep himself from getting frustrated. “Please just don’t shut me out anymore than you have.”

 

 

 

The conversation ended right there and Lori went back to sit near the fire with the group. Meanwhile Rick was back to pacing the fence back and forth. Shane’s mind wandered off a bit too far and it went back to that night. He’d been prepared to take Rick’s life and have things go back to how they were before he got back. But now he understood why that wouldn’t work. Rick was who everyone trusted to follow, even when they were hesitant to do so, not him. Even when Shane’s thoughts were scrambled or abruptly violent - he remembered that much.

 

 

Ultimately he and Rick would have to get back on speaking terms. And Shane didn’t know how but he’d make sure that happened.


	2. The Birth and Death of the Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, here i am finally updating this & yes i got right into lori's death. i didn't want to have several filler chapters & then have her death just pop up. plus this is the main catalyst to rick's mental spiral, which will be a huge part of this fic.

Clearing out the prison wasn’t an easy job, not the way Rick kept trying to convince everyone it would be, Shane was just the only one who was willing to call him out. Or at least wanted to vocalize as such.  Just like he tried telling Rick that they only needed the fully capable. Which meant Hershel wasn’t a necessary fucking person to join.  Of course Rick didn’t listen to him or heed his goddamn warnings.  

 

 

That mistake resulted in Hershel getting his leg bitten by a walker.  

 

 

That whole debacle of cutting off Hershel’s leg resulted in them realizing they weren’t alone. That some people were still alive in the prison and they happened to be prisoners. Some of them ended up being pieces of shit, go figure,  which Rick shockingly put one of them down without hesistation. 

 

 

From there lead a multitude of idiotic decision making and now Shane was once again having to keep Lori and Carl safe. Maggie was alongside them, panicked and undoubtedly afraid given Lori was shaky.  Both him and Carl stood there with the knowledge that they couldn’t do anything.  Though in Shane’s eyes it was like Lori could survive anything.  She would survive giving birth, the baby would be okay and nothing else would go wrong.  

 

 

Shane paced around the boiler room as he watched Maggie guide Lori to the ground to deliver the baby.  “She’s gonna be okay, right? Right?!”

 

 

“If you keep yellin’ like that you’ll attract the walkers. I need to be able to focus and Lori doesn’t need this right now.” Maggie spoke sternly before focusing on Lori once more.  “I’ll do an exam. Let me see if you’re dilated.”

 

 

Carl stared on at his mother and broke Shane’s heart to see the kid this distressed. “Do you know how?”

 

 

The response they got was bleak at best, showing how grim the situation was and the reality that Lori could easily lose the baby.   Lori tried a  different approach by standing up and bracing herself against the wall as she pushed.  All that resulted in was her crying out in agonizing pain and Maggie urged her to stop because she was bleeding between her legs. 

 

 

Staying calm wasn’t a strong suit of Shane’s and it didn’t take a genius to figure that out. He was good at a lot of things but staying calm in crisis just wasn’t one of them. Not unless it involved walkers then he was good to go.

 

 

All of the pain that Lori’s body was putting her through caused her to briefly pass out. Her skin was paler, she was sweaty and nothing about it screamed safe. Shane knelt by her side with Carl and took a shaky breath as Lori spoke aloud that she wasn’t going to make it. That they wouldn’t be able to get back to Hershel to deliver the baby.

 

 

“Lori, with all this blood, I don’t even think you’re fully dilated yet.” Maggie pressed both hands on either side of Lori’s legs. “No amount of pushing is gonna help.”

 

 

“I know what it means, and I’m not losing my baby. You’ve got to cut me open.”

 

 

Shane shook his head vigorously and was almost bordering hysterical. “You’re gonna be okay an’ you’ll deliver this baby. I know you will, just hold on a little bit more and we’ll get you to Hershel. He’ll -”

 

 

“There’s no time. You have to do it, Maggie.” Lori’s voice was weak and frail like she was already on the cusp of death.

 

 

“No. I can’t.”

 

  
  
”You don’t have a choice.”

 

 

Carl got up as fast as he possibly could and stated that he’d go get help for her. But Lori wasn’t having it, she just wasn’t.  

 

 

“Carol’s the one that practiced that. Dad only taught me the steps, Lori. If I - “ Maggie paused momentarily. “I have no anesthetic, no equipment - “

 

 

“Carl has a knife.”

 

 

“You won’t survive.”

 

 

Keeping it together wasn’t even possible anymore, Shane’s eyes were filling with tears and he was trying to keep himself from sobbing. He tried to look at Lori but she refused to let him attempt to sway her otherwise. From the look on her face - she was set on sacrificing herself to bring the baby into the world. Their baby.  The sheer thought of losing Lori was something that had Shane feeling like his guts were being ripped out.  What the hell was Carl going to do without his mother? What would the baby do without its mother?

 

 

“My baby has to survive. Please. My baby…for all of us.  Please, Maggie! Please! Please.” Lori pleaded with a distraught Maggie. The younger brunette lifted up Lori’s shirt to look at her old scars to guide her through it. “ You see my old C-section scar?”

 

 

“I can’t.” Maggie choked out, her lip quivering and her eyes becoming wet.

 

 

“You can.”

 

 

“No, Lori, listen you don’t have to do this.” Shane scrambled and pressed his hand against her shoulder. “We can’t lose you.”

 

  
  
”This baby can’t die, Shane.  Please, don’t fight with Rick anymore. You have to promise me that you won’t shut each other out over this.  Promise me?”

 

 

“Lori -”

 

 

“Promise me!”

 

 

One nod was the only answer that Shane could offer her. Whatever they had before gave him just enough strength to give her that much. Even though it was killing him inside to do so. Beside him was a frightened Carl who couldn’t keep his eyes off his mother. These would likely be his final moments with her and Shane had no idea what that felt like.

 

 

“Baby, I don’t want you to be scared, okay? This is what I want. This is right. Now you - you take care of your daddy for me, all right? And your little brother or sister, you take care -”

 

 

“You don’t have to do this.”

 

 

“You’re gonna be fine.” Lori spoke with confidence and a sense of pride knowing who her son was. “You are gonna beat this world. I know you will. You are smart and you are strong and you are so brave, and I love you.”

 

 

“I love you too.” Carl responded with a shaky voice.

 

 

“You gotta do what’s right, baby. You promise me, you’ll always do what’s right. It’s so easy to do the wrong thing in this world. So don’t - so if it feels wrong, don’t do it, all right? If it’s easy, don’t do it.  Don’t let the world spoil you.” Lori wiped away Carl’s tears that were streaming down his face. “ You’re so good. You’re my sweet boy. You’re the best thing I ever did. And I love you.  I love you. You’re my sweet , sweet boy. I love you.”

 

 

Shane sobbed into his hands and waited for the worst of it to come. He waited with such anger in his body and mind. What Lori deserved was to live. Though what people deserved didn’t always get dished out for them. In the world they now lived in - the best people usually died.

 

 

“Maggie, when this is over, you’re gonna have to - You have to do it. It can’t be Rick.  All right… all right.  It’s all right. It’s all right.”

 

 

As Carl handed Maggie the knife,  the reality of what was about to happen began to set in. Shane didn’t know if he could watch Lori bleed to death like that. He didn’t know what seeing that would do to him. On the inside he was already wrestling with a darkness that wanted to come out at any moment. Knowing what he was about to witness could destroy that barrier he’d been trying to maintain for months and months.

 

 

“Whew. Good night, love.” Lori breathed out as she stared up at the ceiling, waiting for her fate.

 

 

Maggie was managing to keep it together better than anyone else. “I’m sorry.”  The young brunette cut along Lori’s old scars and Lori let out a scream that made Shane’s heart stop.

 

 

“You’re killing her!” Carl cried out at Maggie who had no intentions of stopping.

 

 

Shane felt empty as he watched on as Lori shuddered and her head flopped to the side. All that blood loss, the trauma of being open like that, there was no way Lori was even still there with them.  Maggie’s hands were still inside trying to pull the baby out, she was having a bit of difficulty and needed Carl to help her along.

 

 

Once the baby was out and in Maggie’s arms, Shane felt a sense of joy but the pain was rattling inside him still. All that he wanted now was for the baby to be alive. Otherwise all of that would have been for nothing and Lori was gone for nothing. And just as Shane was thinking they lost everything - he heard the cry of his baby for the first time.

 

 

Whether it was parental instincts or something else entirely - Shane just wanted to hold the baby. He reached out for the child and softly asked Maggie if he could hold it.  In this circumstance it seemed Maggie had some sympathy to lend him.  The younger brunette gently handed the child over to Shane and watched him carefully.  Shane got up and told both Maggie and Carl that they needed to go.

 

 

Just as expected Carl didn't want to let his mother laying there like that.  But carrying her body out wasn't an option because of the walkers. They'd take her away so fast and she'd get eaten in front of them. That wasn't something that Carl needed to see, not after what he was already being forced to witness. That type of trauma would ruin him and he needed to be good, just as Lori wanted him to be. It was her dying wish. 

 

 

Though what Shane hadn't realized until Carl mentioned it was that he didn't want her to turn.  Not that he was wanting them to take her body out of there with them. Shane was willing to be the one to do it.   Instead Carl insisted that he do it because Lori is...or was his mother. 

 

 

Shane couldn't watch it so both he and Maggie made their way to the door to see if the coast was clear.  Once made quietly looked out into the hallway, she turned around and was going to get Carl.  That was until they heard the gunshot and Carl was heading towards them with no expression on his face. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Not knowing who was alive or where Lori was had Rick more than distressed. He could barely describe the feeling that was going through his body . Something wasn't right and he was more than ready to head back inside.  At least that was until he saw Shane walking out with a baby in his arms and Maggie as well as Carl towing behind him. Nobody looked well, in fact, all three of them looked distraught. 

 

 

The way that Shane was shaking didn't sit right with Rick.  Nor did the way Maggie was damn near on the brink of tears or Carl's lack of expression altogether.  Nobody was saying anything and that made Rick uneasy. Maybe Lori was too tired to have gone with them, maybe she was okay and they had to go inside to get her.  All of those were possibilities. 

 

 

Until he looked right at Maggie's face and her lip was quivering as she stood there. Rick tried to approach Shane but he was barely coherent and kept swaying with the baby in his arms.  

 

 

_No. No. No. No. No._

 

 

_She's alive, she has to be alive. This is just some nightmare._

 

 

Rick staggered towards Maggie. "Where - where is she? Where is she?"

 

 

"No...Rick, no!"  Maggie tried to hold his shirt to keep him from going to see for himself. 

 

 

His son didn't even spare him a glance, he simply kept staring at the ground as Rick put his hands to his face.   "Oh, no. No! No!"

 

 

Everyone was too broken to move and Rick fell to the concrete in sheer anguish.   This couldn't be happening.  None of this was happening.  Rick sobbed so hard that he couldn't breathe and clawed at the concrete like an animal. 

 

 

Nobody was approaching him, which was wise, he didn't know what he'd do if anyone touched him.  Momentarily the anguish subsided and was replaced with a rage that didn't understand logic. All that Rick wanted to do was kill until all he saw was blood. Seeming as there were tons of walkers to still take care of - he knew where he was going to start. 

 


	3. Less Angry, Less Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i haven't updated this in so long & there's been reasons for that obviously. so here's a long overdue update which hopefully doesn't suck.

  
Spiraling is what Rick knew he was doing on the inside and outside for that matter. He knew that grabbing Glenn the way he did was violent. He also knew that he was neglecting his responsibilities.  Still he had found himself going back into the prison to see Lori for himself.  It wasn’t that he didn’t believe she was dead, it was more so him needing to see her one last time.  
  
  
Only there was no chance of that because a walker had eaten her corpse and had a bloated stomach to prove it. The sight had been disgusting and heart-wrenching but Rick managed to refrain from opening the walker up to look for her remains.  
  
  
Hearing the phone ring was like a sliver of hope in the grief and chaos he was experiencing inside.  Rick spoke to several people, who he realized weren’t actually there once Lori was the last to call him.  He’d never known grief to the magnitude that he was feeling it. And he sure didn’t know what to do with it.  What he did know was that he had to see the baby, Carl and everybody else.  They didn’t deserve to be tossed to the side.

  
  
Rick joined the rest of the group and saw the nervousness everyone was displaying. But he didn’t have to say anything because they knew why he was there.  He saw Shane in the corner, holding the baby, and made his way over to him.  Neither of them exchanged any words and the tension wasn’t as present as it had been for months.  Shane nodded at Rick like he understood what he needed and handed her over to him.  
  
  
  
The warmth Rick felt from holding this baby, one that came from Lori, was enough to make him feel less scattered. Less worn down.  Rick took in the newborn smell and it reminded him of when he held Carl for the first time.  And it made him think of how it was a miracle that Lori brought this life into the world. She sacrificed herself for this miracle. And Rick would do everything in his power to protect her.  
  
  
For whatever reason Rick felt compelled to go outside and feel fresh air on his skin. Everyone followed closely behind him, including Shane who was standing beside him like he used to.  In the distance he saw something, maybe someone, standing outside of the gates.  Something inside Rick told him to go check it out.  He asked Shane to hold her for a moment while he went to see for himself.  
  
  
Rick walked down to the gates with his gun in hand, ready to shoot if needed. His eyes narrowed as he focused on a tall man, who was holding a basket and was covered in blood. The man was alive from what Rick could tell and was gripping tight to the gate with his gloved hand.  
  
  
The walkers weren’t taking notice of him for some reason and Rick was curious about it. But, in his experience trusting people too easily was a bad idea.  The man reached down to his leg and touched against what seemed to be a bloody wound.  Rick stared on, even as the walkers finally took notice of the man’s presence near them.  As the walkers started coming towards him - he took out a bat with barb wire on it.  He dropped the basket and tried to defend himself against the walkers.  
  
  
  
Carl had made his way down and Rick heard him ask if they should help the stranger. And the urgency to do so became apparent when the man collapsed onto his back. It was likely because of exhaustion and loss of blood.  Carl raised his gun and shot the walkers that were hovering above the man’s body.  When Rick got hold of the keys he opened the gates with Carl and shot at the walkers in the surrounding area.  He didn’t want to waste too many bullets though.  If this stranger proved to be dangerous then he’d have another problem on his hands.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
When Rick brought some random person inside the prison - Shane was already on high alert. He would gun the guy down if he proved to be a threat and wouldn’t care what Rick had to say about it.  
  
  
  
Shane watched on as Rick spoke softly to the man and asked him what his name was. The man didn’t respond right away and tried to reach for his weird ass bat. Of course Rick didn’t allow that.  
  
  


 

 

The man proceeded to be difficult, even going so far as to tell Rick he didn’t ask for his help. Shane scoffed and that earned a look from Rick that told him to shut the hell up. And they were definitely back to being hostile towards each other. He rubbed the back of his head out of habit and stalked off. 

 

* * *

 

“We can tend to the wound for you, give you a little food and water then send you on your way. But you’re gonna have to tell us how you found us and why you were carrying formula.”  Rick watched the man’s facial expressions, waiting for him to try something.

  
  
The man slicked his hair back and shrugged in that nonchalant way. “The supplies were dropped by a young Asian guy with a pretty brunette.”

  
  
Judging by his choices of words, it was obvious something happened to Glenn and Maggie.  Of course Hershel jumped into the conversation by asking if they were attacked. The thought of them being dead wasn’t plausible, not right then.    
  


  
Rick could tell Shane was becoming impatient with the situation because he was pacing.  And in most cases Rick would tell him to shut the hell up.  Though with  a stranger around he couldn’t risk him thinking they were weak. Especially not when the man could have a group and may be pretending to know where Glenn and Maggie were.

  
  
”They were taken.”

  
  
”Taken by who?”

 

  
The was gritting his teeth, clearly feeling agitated by the conversation or something else entirely. “The same son of a bitch who shot me.”

  
  
Rick got down to the man’s level and tried to make eye contact. “These are our people, you tell us what happened now!”  He reached out and grabbed hold of the man’s injured leg which sparked an aggressive reaction.

  
  
”Don’t ever put your goddamn hands on me again!”  The man was on his feet almost immediately, his finger pointed right in Rick’s face and his eyes darkening.

  
  
Of course Shane had his gun pointed at the man’s head, looking ready to pull the trigger whether Rick gave him the okay or not.  That alone was why Rick had minimal trust in Shane.  As if what happened at Hershel’s farm wasn’t already enough of a reason.

  
  
He placed his hand on Shane’s gun to let him know that he didn’t want that. Thankfully Shane wasn’t in the word to rebel against his wishes. Rick needed to cool down the situation to find Glenn and Maggie. That was absolutely it.

 

  
”Find him yourself asshole.” The man smirked as if he was being clever.  
  
  
  
Rick wasn’t going to give the man any satisfaction by getting angry. He had no intentions of giving up on prying for information. “You came here for a reason.”  
  
  
  
”There’s a town, Woodbury, ‘bout 75 survivors I think they were taken there.”  
  
  
  
”A whole town?”  
  
  
  
”It’s run by this guy, calls himself the Governor.  Pretty boy, charming, Jim Jones type.  Not exactly my type if you ask me.”  
  
  
  
”He got muscle?” Daryl asked in his usual gruff tone.  
  
  
  
The man rolled his eyes in a cartoonish way and kept his hand pressed against his wounded leg. “Paramilitary wannabes.  They got lookouts on every wall and got a pretty decent system.”  
  
  
  
”You know a way in?” Rick cocked his head to the side.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
Being replaced by Daryl’s hick ass was something Shane had grown accustomed to. Sure, he and Rick had their qualms but he thought he could be trusted for a mission at least. Instead he was left behind with Hershel and the rest of the group. Not that he hated being around them but they sure didn’t care much for him.  Though Shane at least had his daughter and Carl.   
  
  
Shane got Beth to hand Judith to him and saw the nervous look on her face. “I’d never hurt her. I hope y’all know that much.”  
  
  
  
”Oh, I-I wasn’t thinkin’ - “ Beth started but Shane scoffed at how she was trying to play dumb.  
  
  
  
”No offense but you ain’t got a good poker face. It doesn’t matter if anyone believes me though. I just gotta remind y’all that I ain’t that much of a damn monster. Not the way Rick’s made me out to be.”  
  


  
”He hasn’t -”  
  
  
  
There was no way Shane was about to listen to Beth try to make Rick sound good. He knew damn well how Rick spoke about him. How he would probably kill him if no one was watching. Not that they’d give a damn if he blew his brains out.  That’s how dysfunctional of a group they were.  If Shane had another place to take Judith and Carl if he wanted to leave with him - he’d fucking go.   
  
  
  
Staying somewhere you’re not wanted is a real bitch and he was done being treated like a piece of shit. Someone not even worthy of the benefit of the doubt. Shane wandered outside and stared off into the field where the walkers were roaming around. After a few minutes he heard a noise from behind him, which ended up being Carl who looked at him curiously.  
  
  
  
”Are you and dad ever gonna get along again?”   
  
  
  
The question got Shane off guard and he truly didn’t know what to say to that. Deep within himself he wanted to make up with Rick.  But he knew it wasn’t likely they ever would get back to where they were.  Too much had happened for it to ever be that way again.   
  
  
  
Shane shrugged at the kid who looked defeated and disappointed. “Honestly buddy, I don’t know. Your dad doesn’t trust me anymore and we’ve got so many issues to deal with right now. Starting with that stranger.”  
  
  
  
”Axel and Oscar turned out to be alright. I don’t think that guy wants to hurt us, he seems more like an asshole than anything else.”  
  
  
  
”Hey -”  
  
  
”Yeah, I know, watch my mouth. But it’s true and if not then we’ll figure it out ‘cause we always do. Please just promise you’ll try to get along with dad.  If not for me then do it for Judith.”  
  
  
  
The kid was way too wise for his own damn good and also stubborn. That very stubborn nature made Shane think of Lori for a moment.  He shook that thought away and told Carl that he’d try his best.   
  
  
  
Shane kept his eyes locked on Judith’s face, studying her to see if Lori would reflect back at him. He wanted to know that she’d live on in this child. So then her memory wouldn’t fade away for Carl, him or Rick.  Tears started to form in his eyes though he blinked them away almost immediately. Letting Carl see him break down wasn’t on his to do list for the day, even though he need to let shit out to stay focused.   
  
  
  
”Why don’t you tell me ‘bout how excited you are to have a little sister.  We’ve been through enough to last a lifetime over the past bit here.  So we’re due for a lil’ distraction.”   
  
  
  
He watched Carl’s face light up like a porch lamp and it made Shane feel less angry, less alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, negan got michonne's introduction & things have been changed around quite a bit. 
> 
> remember to leave comments & kudos!


	4. Undone, Disarmed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm gonna get back to updating my fics more frequently, for my sake especially. hopefully this short update is enjoyable!!

Nothing could ever go smoothly.  That's what Rick knew with absolutely certainty. Regardless of how hard he tried - he always ended up in the situations he didn't want for himself. 

 

Negan, the stranger that showed up outside of the prison,  had taken them to Woodbury where they just barely rescued Glenn and Maggie. Everything turned into a gong show and they were presented with a lot of surprises, including reuniting with Andrea and unfortunately Merle Dixon. It turned out that  Andrea was in a relationship with a woman named Michonne who tried to kill the leader of Woodbury but was stopped from doing so. Rick made sure they all got out before Woodbury's leader could kill them. Unfortunately he was left to deal with Merle tagging along.

 

Out of some weird loyalty, Daryl decided to leave with Merle and essentially abandon the group.  Rick didn't have the energy to be angry about it because he had too much going on. They were likely going to have major backlash from what went down at Woodbury.  And Rick had no idea if he was mentally prepared for any of it. Not to mention how Shane would react to knowing what happened.

 

Surprisingly the one person that wasn't making everything more difficult was Negan. Sure, he was a bit of a cocky asshole and seemed to love getting under people's skin. But, he had an honesty about him that Rick could appreciate.  It made him wish he and Shane could go back to how they were before. When they would go out for burgers and fries at local joints or get drunk together at some seedy bar. Those were days that Rick actually liked thinking about, at least until their current reality set in all over again.   And then it was back to essentially hating who Shane had become.  

 

Rick made sure him and the rest of the group got back to the prison safely.  He tried his best not to get followed by anyone and for the most part he didn't believe anyone did.  Glenn was angry at him about letting Daryl go off with Merle and he didn't blame him. Though he didn't know what to say to him about it either. Daryl was a grown man who could make his own decisions. Even if it was a shitty decision like running off with Merle.  Who, as much as Rick hated it, was Daryl's brother.   

  
  


Arriving back at the prison was mostly difficult because Carol was wondering where Daryl was. Which led to explaining that Merle wasn't dead and Daryl ran off with him.  The disappointment on her face was that of pain, making Rick remember just how close Daryl and Carol were. They were a family after all and losing even one of them brought a certain type of pain, one that would spread throughout the group. His mind couldn’t help but go to how Shane would react. Would he lash out and make matters worse by threatening to leave with the baby? Rick hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

  
  


”If Rick sees these people, I’m telling you right now - it ain’t gonna end well. He’s barely holdin’ together and you want me to take in some strays? That man and his son seem shifty to me already. The other two seem reasonable but it ain’t gonna matter. Rick’s gonna send ‘em packing, just watch.” Shane sat at one of the tables and rocked Judith to sleep, her soft face reminding him of his own baby pictures, making him long for another time.

 

Hershel stood off to the side, shaking his head like he every damn thing about Rick, almost like Shane had no idea who the man was anymore. Maybe in some ways he didn’t. But one thing was for sure - Rick was a bomb ready to blow up. Losing Lori ripped him apart and made him irrational. Which is why Shane wanted to keep him away from Judith. He couldn’t risk Rick becoming delusional and thinking the baby was his again, no goddamn way.

 

When Rick and some of who left came back with him, Shane just knew that Rick was in a mood. He seemed disappointed about something and was damn near shaky. Carl and Hershel were the ones who broke the news about the people breaking into the prison. Despite how getting on Rick’s nerves was something he did easily now - Shane wasn’t about to start anything. Though to see his point proven, he followed the rest of the group to where the other group was.

 

He watched carefully as Rick rejected shaking Tyreese’s hand, let Hershel introduce them to him and was already becoming confrontational. _What a goddamn idiot._ Shane carefully passed Judith off to Beth who gladly took her. If he had to stop a fight then he couldn’t do it while holding Judith.

 

”Sorry ‘bout your friend, we know what that’s like,” Rick confessed, barely looking Tyreese in the eye as he said it. It made Shane want to put his hand on Rick’s shoulder and give it a good squeeze. Unfortunately that wouldn’t be welcome and would be met with a shrug off.

 

Thinking about even comforting Rick brought Shane back to when Carl got shot. He remembered wiping Rick’s face and touching their foreheads together like no one else was around but them. And how he moved like the damn Roadrunner when Hershel came out of the room Carl was in. Shane scanned down Rick’s body and missed being close to him. He got so lost in thought that he barely noticed just how badly the situation was going.

 

Shane blinked and brought himself back to reality and saw Rick walking over to Hershel. Clearly they were having some sort of pep talk like they were in some TV drama, where the wise old man imparts wisdom on the misguided man. Shane almost laughed at just how melodramatic shit was around there.

 

Just when it seemed like Rick was ready to do something right for once - everything shifted. Rick was staring up at the railing and Shane didn’t know what he was looking at it but it seemed to spook him.  

 

Shane reached his hand out to pull Rick to the side, only to have his hand smacked away. He leaned in close enough so that only Rick could hear him and told him to calm the fuck down. Which of course Rick didn’t listen and proceeded to lose his shit at absolutely nothing. He wasn’t making any sense, screaming that whoever it was didn’t belong there and pulled out his gun. Carl had found his way near Maggie and Shane had to do something.  While Glenn told the other group that it was best they leave - Shane took it upon himself to try to talk to Rick.

 

When talking didn’t work, he used force. All those years on the force had to count for something and he was a lot stronger than Rick in his opinion. He wasn’t being blinded by emotional shit this time around and could take him. Shane stopped with the being nice bullshit and got the gun out of Rick’s hands using a tactic they were taught.  

 

Everyone watched but didn’t bother stopping him because they were too frightened. Shane locked eyes with the asshole they found outside the prison and turned away when he felt something weird. Almost like that feeling you get when someone is clearly going to bring something into your life. Shane dragged a very erratic Rick off into a separate area of the prison. As soon as they were far away enough, he pushed him into one of the cells. It smelled old and was dusty as hell but it didn’t matter. 

 

“Get the hell off me! She’s here! I saw her!” Rick practically screamed right in Shane’s face.  His eyes were damn near darkening and his lip was quivering like a child. Clearly he was losing his shit worse than Shane imagined.

 

Shane shoved Rick against the wall of the cell and put his finger in his face to get his point across. “You listen to me right now and don’t just ignore what I’m sayin’ all ‘cause you’re bein’ a petty bitch. I’m gonna tell you some shit that no one else here will. Mainly ‘cause they’re scared of you right now and also they kiss your ass a bit too much. You need to get it together, I know losin’ Lori hurt like hell and believe me - it hurts me too. But, you can’t be fallin’ apart the way you are, Carl and everyone else is depending on you as the goddamn leader.” 

 

“You’re one to talk! All you do is run your fuckin’ mouth, tryin’ to tell me what I’ve done wrong and how insane I am. Last I checked you wanted to kill me at the farm! So you could take my wife and son away, take my place. What makes you think I wanna listen to any damn thing you've got to say?"

 

“Will you ever let it go,huh? You didn’t kill me in my damn sleep for months! Come to think of it, go ahead and kill me now. Break my neck and call it a goddamn accident or be a big man and say you did it 'cause you felt threatened. Heh. Raise Judith and tell her that you’re her birth daddy. Make sure she doesn’t even know my damn name. I mean it, Rick, go ahead! Unless you're too much of a coward to get rid of me now."

 

They were right in each other’s faces, Shane didn’t remember getting that close, he was breathing against Rick’s face and glanced  down at his lips. Shane felt he was losing all his damn sense, especially when he moved forwards to kiss Rick with a desperation he thought he killed. 

 

Instead of pushing him off, Rick kissed back just a little bit but he seemed more focused on putting his hands down Shane’s pants. Shane opened his eyes and stopped Rick’s hands because he didn’t know what was really happening. Everyone was under a lot of stress and Rick wasn't in his right mind for this to be happening. His brown eyes searched Rick’s blue and they were filled with tears that weren’t yet coming down his face.  

 

“Fuck. Just...fuck,” Shane muttered before turning around and storming out. His hand rubbed the back of his own head, something that he couldn’t help but do. Whatever just happened couldn't be due to anything other than stress. That's what Shane had to convince himself of, all to keep himself from losing it...again.

 

_What the hell?_


End file.
